I’m a 30 years old boy. I should be serious. I should care about my future living. I should be super solemn paying my bills. I should care about my appearance. I should love grey, black and dark-blue colours of my clothes especially if they are all on me at the same time. I should, but I don’t want.
3 things about ageing I will never understand
Probably I missed that super important law about the appearance and the human behaviour. I don’t know. I can’t accept the fact that the youth has gone and I need to become boring and bills-looped ugly man in his thirties. There are a lot of things I can accept, but these three points of view on ageing will never find a place in my head. I have a very good example of a man whom I refuse to be.
Bills are everything, hobbies are nothing
My father used to say to me, “When will you quit your Japanese classes?” The first time I could not answer. Then I became surprised, angry and disappointed. We made the air blue. And now we don’t talk about my hobbies at all. He hardly knows what’s I’m up to right now. I don’t see any reason why should I suddenly abandon all my hobbies and concentrate on the work and buying groceries and watching TV as everyone does. As he did. As he wanted me to do.
You are too happy
Another thing I probably will never understand at all. My family and some of the friends think that thirties is a good time to become very serious. Like childhood is gone and there’s no source of joy in future. And you should care about politics (actually I care) and about serious things like driving and a huge loan and be getting married. I’m like wtf man. I don’t want to be boring. Things are not working that way, for real.
You are an immortal
Truth is that you’ll eventually die sooner or later. So all you have to do is to live now. Only now, not when you’ll get retired and will have a lot of time to travel and to self-improve. You probably will not have that time. I understood that clearly. When you are ill you perceive time slightly different. It is not that you will have in future. It’s that you have now.
It’s easy to surrender and to put yourself into a nutshell. To dream and to make plans about future which you probably will not have. I do believe in karma and reincarnation but I also want my living to be full and consistent now. On that planet and in that life. In my thirties, not in sixties.